FISH - Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors (1990)

Ah, 1989.  Or 1990, by the time the thing finally came out, for big record company reasons.  The days when Fish could get a release on a major label and have number-one singles, and there was some delusion in the air that he could even be Marillion-"big," let alone rock-star big.  Meanwhile the man himself was publicly playing out the usual dissonance between wanting to be adored by the masses (and financial security) and wanting to have more of a private life and a career where he could do small clubs and meet fans eye to eye.  The market would soon force the issue... 

 

I may make a half-hearted attempt to keep track of the cast of characters surrounding Derek, but the discography from here on is very much a "solo career," in the sense that it's one guy and some players that he works with.  The different tracks on each record usually have different people on them, and the touring band may not always be the ones who were on the record.  But for what it's worth, the "core band" at this point seems to be both Frank Usher along with either Hal Lindes or Robin Boult on guitars (Fish had not been a two-guitarist situation before, and would not do so forever), Mark Brzezicki on drums, various bassists including John Giblin and Steve Brzezicki, and most importantly, co-songwriter Mickey Simmonds on keys.  Mickey gets writing credits on nearly all the songs, being as how Fish thought of himself in those days as more of a lyricist than a songwriter.  Nowadays he'll tell stories of coming up with some of those musical ideas on his own (like "The Company"), but I guess it was always with Mickey helping flesh them out? 

Track One:  "Vigil"

I still remember first listening to this while still a little skeptical about Fish the solo artist and responding to the overblown intro with "yeah, it figures."  Of course a Fish record is called friggin' Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors.  Of course it opens with a nearly three-minute rambling tuneless thing about how the narrator cries at the tragedy of life.  How was this guy ever a big rock star, and how unsurprising is it that he ended up fading into indie obscurity?  

But the song kinda worms its way in.  It helps that the main guitar riff is simple and effective.  The prechorus is irresistible enough and leads into a great enough start of a chorus that it's more like choruses 1A and 1B.  And as it develops there's a bunch going on lyrically that works on a few levels.  "Vigil" isn't the superficial thing about emotion that it first appears to be.  It's coming for a deep place of not being able to find the human connection that the narrator knows is there, as he reaches out and out and still finds himself alone in the world:

And you sit there and talk revolution
But can you tell me just who's in command?
When you tell me the forces we are fighting
Then I'll gladly join and make plans
But for now only our t-shirts cry "freedom"
And our voices are gagged by our greed
Our minds are harnessed by knowledge
By the Hill and the will to succeed

 Ain't it the truth, now and forever?

Oh, and here's a bagpipe part, because why the hell not?

"Vigil" is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what Fish is all about.  Messy, trying to talk about everything at once.  Fascinating in parts, capable of moments of absolute brilliance.  More than the some of its parts, with the rare art of making its various bits abundantly part of the same thing that I so often find lacking in prog-leaning music.  If this song intrigues you, Fish will have a lot more to offer over the years.  If it doesn't work for you, maybe Fish writ large isn't for you?

I don't want to overstate that, especially since "Vigil" isn't Fish's absolute best work.  I still think it's a bit much.  I will say that nowadays it doesn't feel its length at all to me anymore.  I'd be fine with even more of it.  It could easily be the basis for a fifty-minute concept album.  Even as it is, themes from the song pop up over and over.  There is, of course, the first of many references to the "Hill" of consumer shit that we build for ourselves, but I somehow only just noticed that the last verse also introduces the idea of an inner voice that is "day by day [getting] louder," which will soon be followed up upon, come track #3.  But first...

Track Two:  "Big Wedge"

Ha!  "Big Wedge" is so much fun!  To me, at least.  I totally get why people would bounce off the horn section and the general cheese and the '80s production.  All I can say is that some part of me loves a big dumb chorus, especially if the big dumb sound is specifically chosen for perfect synergy with Fish just spewing his contempt and bile at everything.  Will not get tired of this when executed at this level.   

I've heard that "Big Wedge" being the lead single led to a delay of Vigil being released in the US, and that the anti-American tone led the lyrics to be rejected out of hand by Fish's former band when he first wrote them.  Is this really the stuff of such controversy?  Not to me, but to others... I guess I can see it.  We Americans have become gradually more open to criticism of how we America over the decades, but especially in the America-first '80s there was definitely a large subsection of the population that would bristle at some foreigner saying the kind of stuff that a Springsteen or a Mellencamp is "allowed" to say.  Although Fish himself would probably object given how proudly Scottish he's become, I feel like he's been enmeshed enough in Americana that he's basically American; he gets us well enough to understand the ways in which we suck.*

Track Three:  "State Of Mind"

More American vibes with the "we the people" chorus, as the narrator fancies himself the voice of those who trust in nothing.  "State Of Mind" was the first release well in advance of the rest of the record so that at least Fish had a single to tour off, and remains one of the most identifiable Fish solo songs for many, I guess.  It's never been a favorite for me.**  Kind of inert musically; too placid.  The lyrics lean too simplistic, and I think what really hurts it for me is the chorus - what the hell does it mean to "elect a president to a state of mind?" 

The groove in "State Of Mind" is really in the rhythm section (especially that bass line.  It is a nice bass part), and I didn't really appreciate it properly until checking out the "Presidential Mix" included on deluxe editions.  That version strips the song down to its core elements during the verses and leans earlier and harder into the echoing lead vocals and the "oooh oooh" backing vocals.  That works way better for me than the mix on the record; there's a lot less going on, so as to allow focus on the parts that are going well.

Track Four:  "The Company"

Here I don't know how much is familiarity.  Coming on the heels of what's come before, "The Company" seems like such a straightforward pop-rock song, with a classic guitar line and a more classic vocal melody.  (And I say that about a song that has a "ballet" bridge.)  The thing is, it seems like "The Company" has always been Fish's signature song, the standard closing number at most of his gigs, and so on, making just evaluating the song as a studio track rather than as the iconic thing that's always been there is a challenge.  It still works for me.  Fish manages to make his issues with the music business sound personal, visceral, and immediate; I have yet to lose the urge to sing along to the final chorus by the time we get there.

Just to show how used to the song's status I am, I actually did a double take and had to check the lyrics to be sure I didn't accidentally end up with a censored version or something upon hearing "why don't you push off?" in the last verse.  I'm so used to it being "why don't you fuck off," the way he, along with the crowd in unison, always sings it live.  Shouldn't that be the lyric?  That would have been a perfectly placed bit of profanity, having such a kick because of the lack of cursing elsewhere on the record.***

Track Five:  "A Gentleman's Excuse Me"

I don't try to be a contrarian or anything.  Any times in which I and the zeitgeist are completely at odds arise organically.  Well, we come upon one of those times.

Conventional wisdom says that "A Gentleman's Excuse Me," a stripped down voice and strings kind of pop song, is appealingly simple, open, heartfelt, and vulnerable.  I have never quite been able to figure out what song conventional wisdom is listening to.

"A Gentleman's Excuse Me" opens with basically declaring that the object of the singer's affection is a child living in her own world, which, well, is certainly a choice:

Are you still a Russian princess rescued by a gypsy dancer?
To anyone who'll listen is that a story you tell?
You live a life of fantasy, your diary romantic fiction...

 

Maybe one could argue that this is realistic setup for the way the vocal rises on the chorus as we shift to the singer's desperate need to communicate, and share what he'll later describe as love that's "freely given."  Said chorus certainly sounds good.  I just wish it didn't have that accusatory "can you get it inside your head?" phrase, making it sound like the singer is less romancing the subject and more haranguing her.

In case one thinks we're shifting to talk more about the narrator's vulnerabilities, he makes it clear how anxious he is to show this woman that she'd be better off settling for him, cuz I mean, it's not like she can really do better.

But if I told you the music's over

Would you want to hear?
That your dance card is empty

That there's no one really there?

I imagine that's the sort of sweet talk that women respond well to.

Very nice melody.  I don't think the lyrics earn it.  Or maybe "A Gentleman's Excuse Me" is keeping it real by in fact being an angry song about expectation and entitlement, disguised as a love song.  If so, why am I apparently the only one who seems to recognize what's actually going on here?  (Can't you see what I'm trying to say?)

Track Six:  "The Voyeur (I Like To Watch)"

"I.  Liiiike.  To.  Watch,"  Suddenly a lively keyboard riff leads us into a chattery style vocal performance with lots of alliteration.  Something about the chords made by the keys and the vocals at multiple parts during both verse and chorus really appeals to me.  I feel like there have been other songs about vicariously watching tragedy, but I don't recall anyone else doing the metaphor so explicitly - news as porn. 

"The Voyeur" is kind of the "unofficial" entry on the record, not having been part of the vinyl release.  I think it's gotten a little unfairly overlooked over the years what with the songs that surround it.  Fish excluded the song when he was playing every "proper" track from Vigil on the Vigil's End tour, although at least he unexpectedly gave it some love on the first leg of the Last Straw tour a few years earlier.  I like the placement right here, to give the album a jolt of high energy between a couple of slow songs with very different tones...

Track Seven:  "Family Business"

Now this is how you convey desperation.  "Family Business" is obviously the domestic violence song, but Fish making the narrator a bystander who offers a desire to do something but no actual aid, all riddled with uncertainty, is brilliant.  I love how plain spoken everything is, like there's no way anyone can reasonably claim they don't get what's happening with this family. 

I've heard criticisms of how the chorus sort of devolves into seeing how many times he can say "family business" over and over.  I guess.  But the song doesn't really need a big melody here; it needs exactly what it delivers - a resigned withdrawal , after how intense the verses get. 

My one complaint is the lyric "when daddy tucks the kids in it's taking longer every night."  I'm not necessarily squeamish about dark topics, but here I just don't think the song had to go there.  It'd actually have been more powerful if there wasn't one particular trigger leading things to explode, if there was no intrinsic or extrinsic force preventing this horror from going on forever.  Like from a few lines earlier:

She's waiting at the bus stop

At the bottom of the hill
She knows she'll never catch it
She knows she never will

All whilst it becomes increasingly clear that the narrator has nothing to offer, as in the devastating final stanza:

So I become an accessory and I don't have an alibi

To a victim on my doorstep

The only way I can justify is: it's family business.

 

Well, shit.

And hey, it's another reference to the Hill previously mentioned in "Vigil" and "The Company," although I don't actually know if any connection is deliberate.  Maybe a coincidence.  Or maybe showing how someone who materially seems to have their money and piece of land is either hierarchically at the bottom of the Hill, or desperately needs to leave said Hill behind entirely?

Track Eight:  "View From A Hill"

Well, connections to earlier mentions of hills are clearly not coincidental here.  The record has been building to "View From A Hill," so Fish can get a little bit more poetic as he dives into the central metaphor of the Vigil album.  VFAH also features Iron Maiden's Janick Gers, who gets a cowriting credit, just shredding here in a rare full on big guitar solo.  VFAH rocks, in a way that I miss sometimes with all the prog noodly shit.  The song is very coherent, as each verse brings the listener inevitably closer to the subject of the song selling out their dreams and principles, leading to two separate ways of singing that "they sold you the view from a hill" that are both catchy as hell and can be combined in different ways to make a chorus.

The whole thing is money, but the bit that grabs my attention the most is:

You used to say you were scared of heights, you said you got dizzy
You said you didn't like your feet being too far off the ground
But they said that up there you'd find the air would be clearer
Promised you more space to move and more room to breathe

I really wish I could write like that.

Bafflingly, VFAH has slipped under the radar, with even Fish himself saying it was his least favorite on Vigil, skipping it entirely on that tour, and only belatedly years later coming to work the tune into his live sets.  Fortunately it seems that the recent remix has made him come around on it.  Whether I'm the only one who realizes it or not, I am here to proclaim that "View From A Hill" is secretly the best Fish song****, and that is a hil... er, a ridge I will die on.

Track Nine:  "Cliché"

"Cliché" took a little time to grow on me, since at first blush it seems like such a letdown after the raw intensity of getting "Family Business" and VFAH back to back.  (Letdown final tracks would go on to become a bit of a Fish thing for awhile.)  I've come to appreciate why it's here, though.  After going big, the writer now finishes with a very self-aware song about writing, about trying to express oneself without using the same phrases that everyone else does.  Ironically, the effect is a love song that actually has something new to say, compared to all the other love songs in the world.  Low-key brilliant way to finish the record.*****  The guitar solo is quite nice too.  I do have to question whether the track had to be over seven minutes long - second longest on the record - and whether it had to basically repeat its whole second half. 

The non-album bin

I keep telling myself I'm not going to bother with the non-album stuff, and then I got sucked in once again.  We can skip "Internal Exile" for now because it'll end up on a main release whose name escapes me.  

As far as the other original songs that became B-sides, "Jack And Jill" had a lot of potential.  It boasts a cool keyboard riff and another spin on the Hill metaphor, sort of starting to talk about getting back up post-Hill.  But it seems distracting to have it be about a couple rather than an individual for no apparent reason, and what Hill exactly they've fallen down could stand to be explained better.  I think the song is unfinished, plain and simple.  It's not there, but could have gotten there with a little more love.

The last original on the various deluxe editions is "Whiplash," a definite change of pace.  Based on both the instrument choice and the melody I want to describe it as lounge music - Fish the crooner! - although the piano solo in the middle seems a little too aggressive and bluesy to fit in in Vegas.  Lyrics here are about preparing for the absolutely predictable upheavals that come when you put too much trust in the wrong people.  Also could have used another couple drafts, and I hate the talking and sound effects over the last minute, but I do really enjoy "Whiplash" overall.  Obviously bands experiment with different sounds all the damn time (as the remaining members of Marillion can attest), but I can only imagine that going solo makes one especially keen to immediately see what you can pull off that doesn't fit into a rock band mold.

Final thoughts:

I recognize that I'm writing up this record, and Internal Exile after it, right before big new remixes of both are released.  Well, I have a bunch of records to get through, ideally before I see the farewell tour (although if not, oh well), and these are the ones I'm up to.  C'est la vie. 

Nobody seems to be able to title things correctly.  The record sleeve clearly calls the thing Vigil in A Wilderness Of Mirrors.******  Yet people insist on adding a "the."  (Or in the case of one of my streaming services,  Vigil In A The Wilderness...)  I've also seen my favorite song from above go by both "View From A Hill" and "View From The Hill" in about equal proportions across the internet, and since the song uses both phrases, I had to go to Fish's website and Google a photo of the record sleeve in order to pick the one I was going to go with.  And although the  "title track," at least on the record, seems to be just "Vigil," the live record tracklistings for gigs at which he played it tend to title the song as "Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors."

Would Fish's career have had more of a unified voice if Mickey had stuck around long term, and would that have been a good or bad thing in the long run?  I appreciate his ability to zig and zag and do all the things rather than just a few things (and note that he clearly didn't need Mickey to come up with a "View From A Hill," the one track without a Simmonds writing credit), but I don't know if having a collaborator necessarily reigns that in at all... plus, I really like Mickey's songs here.

I'm pleased with how well Vigil has held up over the years.  Performances are locked in and conviction-filled.  Songs give you a lot of variety and are sequenced cleverly - "Big Wedge" is a breath of fresh air after "Vigil," "The Voyeur" is great recharge, and then the record just pummels you with "Family Business" followed by "View From  A Hill," and a better one-two punch you won't find.  Lyrics are front and center, a good thing given that they're not only among Fish's best, but also make the songs synergize with the repeated lyrical motifs.  That whole thing I said above about coming into listen #1 skeptical of Fish's ability to make great music without his best collaborators?  By listen #2, I had no doubts about my need to binge his whole catalogue.  Vigil absolutely is that good.

Favorite track (album only):  "View From A Hill"

Runner up:  "Family Business"

Least favorite:  "A Gentleman's Excuse Me"

Rating:  4.5/5

We continue with Internal Exile whenever I get around to it!

Definitive running list of records by Fish/Marillion that I have profiled so far, in order of what I have decided is unambiguously their quality 

1)  Clutching At Straws

2)  Misplaced Childhood

3)  Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors

4)  Fugazi

5)  Market Square Heroes (single)

6)  Script For A Jester’s Tear

 

*For whatever it's worth, I made a point of listening to Vigil this past July 4 because of "Big Wedge."

**I'm not even sure whether or not it's my favorite "State Of Mind" song from the Fish/Marillion music universe - it has a competitor in that category from h and company.

***For such a frequently angry guy, Fish doesn't really swear much on most of his songs.  I'm actually struggling to come up with many from memory.  There's "Garden Party," "She Chameleon," "Jungle Ride," and "All [Loved] Up..." none others readily come to mind.

****The best Fish songs, in order, are "View From A Hill," followed by "Plague Of Ghosts," followed by "Slàinte Mhath."  I hold this truth to be self-evident.

 

*****And in an even more meta sense, in the context of the Fish oeuvre, he finally did write that love song.

******Okay, it might not capitalize every word, including articles, in titles of things, the way I insist on doing.