"Classic" of metal: HELLOWEEN - Chameleon (1993), early impressions

Helloween fans don't usually like to talk much about the stuff that happened between the band hitting their commercial peak with Keeper Of The Seven Keys, Part II in 1988, and said band recruiting Andi Deris and releasing Master Of The Rings in 1994.  The narrative says that Kai left the band, a bunch of contractual things kept them from putting out another record for a few years, there was a lot of infighting that led to disjointed music, and then after some music that we don't talk about Weike and Markus had to basically reload and try again.  

 

It's finally time for me to draw my own conclusions about this period.  And when I say "this period," I basically mean a certain record released in 1993.  Because the narrative further says that although the alleged decline started with Pink Bubbles Go Ape, that one, especially in retrospect, really wouldn't have done much damage had it not paved the way for Chameleon.  It's really Chameleon, the story goes, that killed Kiske-fronted Helloween.  It's Chameleon that (mostly facetiously) gets blamed for driving Ingo to suicide.  And from giving Chameleon's predecessor a few spins, I didn't come up with a reason to question that; the record didn't have any particularly nasty surprises or anything.  I mean, "Kids Of The Century" is pretty good, right?  Listen to say, "Back On The Streets," or "Someone's Crying" - those are certainly Helloween songs that sound like Helloween songs, right?  If you squint, you can maybe see how someone might have imagined that "Heavy Metal Hamsters" would be embraced as a spiritual successor to "Dr. Stein," right?  Say what you will about Pink Bubbles* - it's pretty clearly to me not exactly the band's best work - but it doesn't confuse me.  Especially if one knows that they're without that Gamma Ray guy and that they're going to be leaning into that pop edge that (for now) makes them so unique among their peers, it makes perfect sense that the followup to Keeper 2 is Pink Bubbles.

 

Chameleon, on the other hand, does not make perfect sense.  

 

The record had me totally confused from moment one.  I remain confused.  Neither of the competing narratives - that the band was pushed towards a more commercial sound by the record label, or that Michael was guiding them beyond metal to try to be an all-purpose rock band but that they did have a muse that they were following - adequately explain the sounds emerging here.  Why is this record?  Who did they imagine it was for?

 

Starting with "First Time" doesn't help.  Here we somehow have a Helloween song that's wholly uncontaminated by speed, metal riffs, soaring vocal hooks, lyrics that would be out of place from an '80s "hair metal" band, or, well, any of the traits that define Helloween for me.  Was there anyone who wanted a sleazy pick-up song from '90s Helloween?  Is there anyone who imagined that this kind of music, at least three years out of fashion in 1993, was "commercial?"  

 

I know nobody listens to metal for the lyrics, but can I dive into that for a second?  The band that once, even on their goofier** songs, were always ready to reel off rapid turns of phrase like

Once a singer sang 'bout bullshit; everyone could see him fall
And be sure, it's been his last hit; he's never been seen at all

 

Are now giving us instead 

I can't wait forever

Baby, open me your door
I just want your loving
If you cannot give me more

 

Or 

It feels so bad; yeah it feels so bad

When everything good looks so bad

When everything right goes so wrong 

 

On the musical side of things, bizarre choices continue.  The first song of the first batch that sounds anything like what one expects from Helloween is the presumably heartfelt but still painfully drippy ballad "I Don't Wanna Cry No More," which would only qualify as"normal" as the designated change of pace on a record full of, well, German-style power metal.  This is not a band going in a new direction in which established fans aren't willing to follow them.  It's not a direction at all - every song is a different novelty monstrosity.  Why is a band without a keyboardist recording multiple songs that're primarily piano- or keys-driven?  Why is their angriest song in years, "Revolution Now," also the one that most shamelessly and embarrassingly panders to '90s radio rock,*** and why is it so dumbed down musically that it needed a reference to "San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)" to even get me to pay attention to anything else about it?  Why?

 

As I keep listening, now that I know what to expect, perhaps I'll be better able to evaluate these tracks as songs, divorced from expectations about what this band "should" be producing.  However, it seems doubtful that most of these will grow on me much.  I suppose I could be won over by the moments of sheer novelty for its own sake.  One of my favorites (a very low bar, to be sure) at the moment is "Crazy Cat" - I could get sick of that one easily, but at least it has energy and fully commits to its swing-meets-metal aesthetic**** that I haven't heard done elsewhere quite that way.  Otherwise, the record is painfully short of highlights... until all of a sudden Michael comes up with "I Believe" and decides that he's going to both write a song that seems to justify its length and make a serious attempt to give us an adult perspective on the idea of faith/belief.  Okay, didn't see that coming.  Otherwise, pretty much everything experimental is a nah for me, dawg.  I could maybe see myself getting pulled into "When The Sinner" for its sense of texture if I could catch a groove or make sense of what they're even attempting, but honestly right now it's seeming like a mess, especially the vocal parts.  I could maybe get won over by the hooks of the straightforward ballads like "Windmill," but honestly right now they mostly seem cloying rather than moving, and way too long.  I could maybe get into whatever "In The Night" is - poor man's R.E.M. (or poor man's Z.Z. Top by way of poor man's R.E.M., as the case may be) is an easier sell for me than poor man's Mötley Crüe.  

 

Stray thoughts:

- Helloween had usually kept their records prior to this to a tight forty-something, with even Keeper 2 barely topping fifty minutes.  Chameleon is over an hour long.  It's punishing.  I can't even say that they must have lost their ability to self-edit, because the deluxe editions reveal that there were other songs that they'd written but decided to leave off the record.

 

- The greatest-hits compilation I used to first get to know this band seemed to feel the need to include something from every record, so it included "Step Out Of Hell."  Reasonable choice; I guess it has a classic-style Helloween chorus including the vocal harmonies.  I might have gone with "Giants" instead, but, eh, whatever.  When a record's best songs' main trait is that they'd be right at home on Pink Bubbles Go Ape, that record is doing something very wrong.

 

- I am so confused right now. 

 

 

Favorite track:  "I Believe"

Runner up:  "Giants"

Least favorite track:  "First Time"

Preliminary rating:  1.5/5

 

More on Chameleon, whenever I get around to it!

*For example, you can say that "Your Turn" stands out as a lowlight even in a career full of questionable decisions.

 

**I picked "Rise And Fall" as my example of the "good" era specifically because it's among one of my least favorites. 

 

***One would think that European metal would be a rare respite from the omnipresent taint of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and one would be sadly wrong.

 

****Helloween were actually ahead of their time here.  Remember how in the late '90s rock suddenly decided it was really more into vintage big-band music rather than vintage blues, and there was like three months when people were listening to Brian Setzer again?  I'm pretty sure that actually happened and wasn't a fever dream.